Waiting for nap time like it's a glass of cold water in the desert. I worked until 2am last night and my boyfriend was up at 5:30 to go to work. He thought it would be a good idea to change the little fella's diaper, and so he was awake at 6 am and J. was off to work leaving me to get up with baby. Ug. I have such a tired headache right now. I mean, can you believe this?

Feeling pretty good though for a pregnant lady. Still am finding it hard to believe. I have a Dr. appointment this month and they'll ultrasound the little bugger to give me a due date since I have no idea. I'm looking forward to it because I think seeing it will make it more real. Since I already have a delightful precious baby it's hard to think or dream of having another one. I've been taking good care of myself though, so it's real enough in the way that matters. I haven't done one tequila shot I swear!

The most tiring aspect of my life is without a doubt my darling teenager. She can make me feel like a wet limp sock in a comment. People think working nearly full time on my feet, 8 hour shifts with no breaks and having a baby while pregnant is hard... try talking sense to an entitled teenager. Or try asking them to clean their room. The other stuff pales in comparison.

It's almost noon, my baby is nude on the floor playing with a stamp and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I plan on being wittier for my next post.

I'm almost 40

So my Dad and his wife called me about my new pregnancy and her response was, "oh my god you're almost 40!". Yeah, I know. She says it'll be alright and so of course I was like, "thanks".

How do I tell the world I'm pregnant again?

So I just discovered I'm pregnant (again). I have a 9 month old son, Odin-

and a 13 year old daughter, Oona.

 To top it off I am a bartender. Which isn't the best job to have as a pregnant person, though it's a good job in every other way. I like my job, but 8 hour long shifts on my feet get hard as a pregnant person. So when I saw the two lines instead of one on the pregnancy test I panicked. 

First of all, I already have a baby (see above), and he is the cutest baby in the world, ( i know your baby is cute too, but bear with me). Also, I am still pretty squishy from the last time I was pregnant (9months ago) and this isn't going to get any better soon, it looks like. I am still nursing Odin, and don't intend to stop until he is AT LEAST one year. Also, in the bar world, it's not very popular, pregnancy. I'm kind of  a nuisance if you will. I can't do shots or... well, I can't do shots. Shots are kind of part of the job. People love to have someone to drink with, it's a social activity. So I'm going to be the bar bummer, again. 

These are my fears in telling the world that I am pregnant (again)

 1- people will ask me if I'm getting an abortion. Firstly because my family isn't exactly rolling in the dough, secondly because my life is already really hard. It will be the natural first question. 

2- I will suffer a lot. It was hard being a 37 year old pregnant person who works 8 hour shifts on her feet 32 hours a week, how will it be being 38?

3- People will judge me. In the cities, people don't have as many children. It's more expensive, and you can't take them everywhere and you lose your social life. Of course people will judge me, but I hope it's in their heads. I am afraid of the loud mouth people who will judge me, openly. Part of being a bartender is having a thick skin, drunk people don't have the best filters. I can handle comments about how big my boobs are now that I'm pregnant again and nursing, but how will I handle the the comments about my growing family and being a breeder? Keep a lid on it people!

4- I will be a giant fat ass cow. I am still about 10 pounds heavier than I was before my last pregnancy, how much bigger can I get? I'm an easy gainer by the way, I'm not going to just "nurse it off". I will have to fight it off like an amazon warrior, how will I do that with 2 babies?

On the bright side, we wanted two kids because my older daughter was an only until she was 12, and we didn't want to have 2 only children. Its hard on parents. You have to be their playmate, arrange play dates etc. I always envied the parents with 2 who had kids who could fight with each other instead of with their parents. So we might as well get it over with, I'm not getting any younger. Being this close in age my kids will be buddies, always have a playmate and we will have kid culture in my house. An only child has to live in an adult culture, and while of course you have to cater to them as kids, it's not the same as when yelling,"you guys clean up this mess right now!", because with an only everything is you-and-me, and personal. So we are going to have another baby, and then one of us is getting sterilized. I'm pretty sure you have to have sex to make a baby, and since we can't recall how this one was made let's just say it's way too easy to get knocked up once you get the ball rolling.

So I'm afraid to tell the world I'm pregnant. Do I say " please don't fire me, I'm pregnant"?, or do I say " I'm pregnant, I'm keeping it and don't call me a fat ass"?, or do I look at them with my sweetest face and say "God has graced us with another child, amen"?.